Counting the Cost...

 Next weekend will be my 21^st birthday.  This has caused me to do some reflecting of my life.  I have friends my age that; are about to graduate college, have recently gotten married, have bought houses, and some even had children!  I have been so excited to see where life is taking them, but I couldn’t help but stop and think that my life doesn’t look anything like what it “should” look like for a typical girl in her 20’s.  I don’t have a pretty wedding ring to show others, I don’t have dirty diapers and teething babies to talk about, I don’t have a college diploma, I have less than $100 dollars in my checking account, and I don’t have as  much time as my family as some would say is appropriate.  As I thought about this, I started to ask God, is it worth it? Is this life you called me to worth the sympathetic eyes and confused stares as I confess; “I haven’t started college yet”, “the money comes from God”, or “I am not too worried about a relationship or marriage at the moment”?

A good friend recently sent me an e-mail after they were praying.  They felt that the Lord had given them the verse of Romans 12:2 for me, which states, “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, His good, pleasing, and perfect will.”  I have never really thought of myself as ‘worldly’.  Homeschooled missionaries seem more few and far between than you would think.  But I had the first part of this passage memorized, I always knew it was a good thing to be in the world but not of it…but I never realized that there was more to this verse, the very important word of “that”. In our Bible school we could call this word a ‘connective’ meaning that it was connecting the beginning of the sentence to the rest of it, also showing that the first part of the sentence is incomplete.  So why are we to not conform to the world, and be transformed by the renewal of our mind?

            THAT by testing we may be able to discern what the will of God is, what is good and pleasing and perfect!! I don’t know about you…but I would LOVE to know what is perfect! What is something tangible that I can hold on to and trust that will not crumble beneath me, what is something that will satisfy the depths of my heart and soul.  In Mathew 18:14, after Jesus has talked about the Shepherd that would leave his 99 sheep to find the one that went missing, He says, “In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.” Jesus said after He had called a little child to stand among the disciples, He was explaining God’s heart for the ‘little ones’ that had for so long been devalued and under-appreciated in their society. And THAT is what I believe the will of God is- that the knowledge of the glory of the Lord would cover the earth as water covers the sea.  It is the presence and the knowledge of our Heavenly Father that is good, pleasing, and perfect.

            The truth is- no matter what situations we are faced with in life…there is one thing that is always constant, and that is the Lord.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  And I believe the “little ones” that He has called me to, that He has entrusted to me are; the children of Northern Uganda, the children that have all been affected by over 20 years of rebel war and destruction in their home land, the children that don’t know what stability or security even means, the children that don’t know what a healthy and whole family looks like, the children that are crying out “Abba, Father” waiting for someone to tell them that EVERYTHING they desire about someone having love and compassion for them are TRUE! They are waiting for someone to tell them that no matter what they have done, or been forced to do, their heavenly Father loves them more than they could ever learn, and each day He wants to walk with them in a journey deeper and deeper into His love.  They NEED to know that someone has been with them in each of these situations; that He has wept with them, that He has laughed with them, that He has seen the depth of their hearts cry and He is yearning to reveal himself to them, that not one of them would perish without knowing what His will is for them, His good and pleasing and perfect will!

            So what was the answer that I got? Of COURSE it is worth it.  It is not only worth it, it is a privilege for me to be able to give my life so that these children will know what life really is!  I am willing to give up the “American dream” and the “typical life”. I have been ruined for the ordinary and I never want to go back- no matter what the cost is. I am so blessed by where I am in life at the moment, and I pray the God will continue to direct my steps everyday for what HE has for me and not what I have by myself. I don’t want to build a house of glass. I don’t want to build a house at all… I want my life to be a journey with the Lord in whatever place and capacity He will take me to! And I am so thankful for the opportunity to be able to do so! So now the question comes to you… now that you know it is worth it. Are you willing?

Moving Forward :)

Jeff and I in San Diego

Oftentimes I sit around thinking, "I need to update my blog..." but I feel like SO much is happening that I never know where to even start! So here is my attempt (and probably fail) to wrap up the end of last year and the beginning of this year :)

               The year ended and then a new one began with visitors and trips galore.  The whole family was together again for Christmas, and we even had an addition this year when my friend Vernel from South Africa was able to join us for the holiday!  It was a great time...and I hope the Wagner family didn't overwhelm him too much ;)  We also had all of our Wagner cousins from Portland, Oregon come down for a visit... and they took me with them back to Oregon for about a week and a half! It was such a great time to be with my dear cousins that I hadn't seen in TOO long! I was back for one full day before my parents, Jeff, and I took off for San Diego, California for an extended weekend. I was able to see one of my dear friends from my school in Montana, Amanda Walhof :) it was SO good to catch up with her and get to meet the man in her life!  It had been two years since I had seen her!! We has such a great trip! and I don't think my parents minded too much that Jeff and I decided to crash their romantic getaway at the last minute...


(some of the) Wagner girls in Portland!



               Time away and spent with family was exactly what I needed to be able to rest and re-focus on this year and how exactly it would all work out.  After an incredible retreat with God in the mountains at the end of last year, I felt that He really gave me direction on where He would have me go... but because I always like to ask questions,  I wondered, "But how do I get there??"  and of course, God has been taking care of everything and allowing me to come along with the incredible plan and future that He has for the nation of Uganda :) 

               So as of now, I am officially on staff with Colorado Springs YWAM.  The base here has partnered together to start a business of these little solar-powered lights, about the size of a Nalgene bottle that burn four times (or more) brighter than the little kerosene lanterns that the 600 million people in the world without electricity have in their homes (that is if they are able to afford the quickly burning and toxic kerosene that many of them use).  So our goal with these lights is to provide a more cost-effective and safe way for these people to be able to live their lives a little bit later than seven o'clock when the sun goes down.  We will be doing campaigns in colleges and churches focusing on raising lights for Uganda, India, Swaziland, and many other countries that are in need of these.  In the time that I am home, I will be helping with these campaigns and really trying to push raising the lights for our village in Uganda, we'll even get to set up tables to sell the beads that our wonderful women in Uganda are making; then in April I will start teaching in the preschool at YWAM in order to work with the children, and also familiarize myself with the curriculum that I will then be able to take back to Uganda in July to train to our Nursery School teachers so that they can in turn teach it to our children in Uganda!

               Clearly once again, God has already thought of everything that I need...and has proven that He is far more than able to provide anything we've asked or even hoped for!  And even through all of this, He is teaching me a huge lesson about trust.  I recently turned down my old job at Scott's Miracle Grow, when I felt that the Lord was calling me to pursue what He had for me long term... and not just a quick fix to my question on where money was going to come from.  So I took a leap (or a small slide off the ledge) of faith, and I am really excited to see how the Lord will continue to show Himself faithful in the area of my finances.  Surprisingly... trips back and forth to Uganda, as well as basic living expenses... cost money.  And I think this will be the first time in my life I can honestly say that I have given these areas to the Lord in obedience to what he is asking me to do... even though everything in my own earthly mind is telling me it is crazy, I have come to realize that the God I know really likes to have people do crazy things in order to show Himself worthy and faithful. 

Peace teaching at Dancing Soldiers of Christ

               As far as Soldiers of Christ in Uganda, incredible things are happening there!  My friend from Colorado Springs, DJ, will be heading out tomorrow to go to the grounds in Gulu and help out with the ministry for five weeks, laying bricks, doing Bible teachings, and of course...loving on the children!  The team in Uganda is hard at work laying bricks for our THIRD brick building!! We will be able to have our Soldiers of Christ school running before we know it :) And we just had a dear friend, Peace, come over from another part of Uganda for a week to help train our kids in their singing and dancing skills!  Peace has just recently released a music CD in Uganda, so it was such a blessing and an honor to have her come over and lend a hand, using some of her expertise (I even got word that the men were having her help make bricks during the day when the children were in school!)  Way to go, Peace!!  And also in the beginning of March, we will be welcoming a DTS team to help out on the grounds for a few weeks!!  We LOVE the body of Christ all coming together!! And we are always up to have new visitors ;)


we have AWESOME helpers :)