What does it mean to trust in God? What does it mean to have no “plan b”? What does it mean to truly live a life that
doesn’t make sense without Him? These
are all things that I have been wrestling with lately. Last year God called me to apply to School of
Dance in Montana. And from the very
first day I was here I have seen the reason why He called me here. This week a second Discipleship Training
School started here in Montana, and they will be sending their team to work
with Soldiers of Christ in June and July!
I have built relationships with girls that have challenged me and grown
me the loving way that God knew I needed for this season. I have revived the passion for worshiping God
through my dancing, and I have already seen Him move through it in incredible
ways. I get to go spread His Word at the
Olympics, which I had prayed about in Uganda before I even came to
Montana. It is clear that God has
brought me to Montana for this season.
So why do I still doubt Him? Why
do I still struggle deep down with believing that He is going to come through
for me? This week we have just over $3,000
due for our school fees and outreach costs.
I have $500 in my bank account.
And what does God say every time I go to Him in prayer and in
frustration? “Trust in me.” I thought I
had come to a place where I was able to say, “Okay, Lord. I trust in you and I
know you are going to provide all I need for school.” But the assurance I thought I had was shaken
yesterday when I found out that I owe $1,800 on taxes. Not knowing where the money for my school
fees was going to come from was one thing, and now believing God for close to
an extra two grand…I really see what little faith I have. The thing that really bothers me is not
that I may “not be able to finish school.”
The thing that bothers me is my lack of trust in God. Let’s face it. I live in America. I know a number of people that if I REALLY
asked them for the money would be able to donate to my cause. Yet God has not called me to trust in people,
He has asked me to trust in Him. He has
asked me to invite people in to the calling He has placed on my life, but when
it all comes down to it- He is the one in control of my finances. I want to have faith in Him so much that I
know, if I don’t get all of the money for my school fees, it means He has other
plans for me. He called me to Montana. I
came. If He has already achieved the
purpose He has for me here… then I am okay to move on to what He has for me
next. Because I would rather have faith
in Him, even if it looks like I “failed” in the eyes of the world...or the eyes
of myself, than to complete the school by getting money through means God did
not ask of me. What I need is not
money. What I need is strength to trust
in God. I need boldness to be obedient
to Him, whatever that looks like. I think THAT is what it means to trust in God. But I'm still learning...
