Counting the Cost...

 Next weekend will be my 21^st birthday.  This has caused me to do some reflecting of my life.  I have friends my age that; are about to graduate college, have recently gotten married, have bought houses, and some even had children!  I have been so excited to see where life is taking them, but I couldn’t help but stop and think that my life doesn’t look anything like what it “should” look like for a typical girl in her 20’s.  I don’t have a pretty wedding ring to show others, I don’t have dirty diapers and teething babies to talk about, I don’t have a college diploma, I have less than $100 dollars in my checking account, and I don’t have as  much time as my family as some would say is appropriate.  As I thought about this, I started to ask God, is it worth it? Is this life you called me to worth the sympathetic eyes and confused stares as I confess; “I haven’t started college yet”, “the money comes from God”, or “I am not too worried about a relationship or marriage at the moment”?

A good friend recently sent me an e-mail after they were praying.  They felt that the Lord had given them the verse of Romans 12:2 for me, which states, “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, His good, pleasing, and perfect will.”  I have never really thought of myself as ‘worldly’.  Homeschooled missionaries seem more few and far between than you would think.  But I had the first part of this passage memorized, I always knew it was a good thing to be in the world but not of it…but I never realized that there was more to this verse, the very important word of “that”. In our Bible school we could call this word a ‘connective’ meaning that it was connecting the beginning of the sentence to the rest of it, also showing that the first part of the sentence is incomplete.  So why are we to not conform to the world, and be transformed by the renewal of our mind?

            THAT by testing we may be able to discern what the will of God is, what is good and pleasing and perfect!! I don’t know about you…but I would LOVE to know what is perfect! What is something tangible that I can hold on to and trust that will not crumble beneath me, what is something that will satisfy the depths of my heart and soul.  In Mathew 18:14, after Jesus has talked about the Shepherd that would leave his 99 sheep to find the one that went missing, He says, “In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.” Jesus said after He had called a little child to stand among the disciples, He was explaining God’s heart for the ‘little ones’ that had for so long been devalued and under-appreciated in their society. And THAT is what I believe the will of God is- that the knowledge of the glory of the Lord would cover the earth as water covers the sea.  It is the presence and the knowledge of our Heavenly Father that is good, pleasing, and perfect.

            The truth is- no matter what situations we are faced with in life…there is one thing that is always constant, and that is the Lord.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  And I believe the “little ones” that He has called me to, that He has entrusted to me are; the children of Northern Uganda, the children that have all been affected by over 20 years of rebel war and destruction in their home land, the children that don’t know what stability or security even means, the children that don’t know what a healthy and whole family looks like, the children that are crying out “Abba, Father” waiting for someone to tell them that EVERYTHING they desire about someone having love and compassion for them are TRUE! They are waiting for someone to tell them that no matter what they have done, or been forced to do, their heavenly Father loves them more than they could ever learn, and each day He wants to walk with them in a journey deeper and deeper into His love.  They NEED to know that someone has been with them in each of these situations; that He has wept with them, that He has laughed with them, that He has seen the depth of their hearts cry and He is yearning to reveal himself to them, that not one of them would perish without knowing what His will is for them, His good and pleasing and perfect will!

            So what was the answer that I got? Of COURSE it is worth it.  It is not only worth it, it is a privilege for me to be able to give my life so that these children will know what life really is!  I am willing to give up the “American dream” and the “typical life”. I have been ruined for the ordinary and I never want to go back- no matter what the cost is. I am so blessed by where I am in life at the moment, and I pray the God will continue to direct my steps everyday for what HE has for me and not what I have by myself. I don’t want to build a house of glass. I don’t want to build a house at all… I want my life to be a journey with the Lord in whatever place and capacity He will take me to! And I am so thankful for the opportunity to be able to do so! So now the question comes to you… now that you know it is worth it. Are you willing?